She wrote:“His comment to me about three seconds was that he rarely if ever looks that long because he wants to avoid discovery.He is very subtle about his looking, yet he is able to get a potent hit, even though his eyes only “flick” briefly onto a woman’s body.You’re done with the bar scene and you’re very much interested in settling down to have a family of your own. Well, if you’re born in 1971, you’re part of Generation X. Your friends are buying their first houses and having their first kids. Maybe he’ll still be vigorous enough to keep up with your active lifestyle. Next, since you can’t convince someone to date an older man, stop trying.And then you, the 36-year-old woman, post your profile, and what happens? It doesn’t stop older men from writing, but at least you don’t have to explain yourself to a man who doesn’t want to hear your perfectly valid explanation. But you must understand that any woman you desire online has choices. She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. To find out who IS interested, try Match.com’s Reverse Match.I’ll be 42 in a couple of weeks, and in two years of online dating, I’d say about 70% of the people who write to me are fifty and over, often MUCH over.I think the record so far is the 74-year-old who said he could have his daughter pick him up at the nursing home and bring him into the city if I were willing to meet for coffee. Your last line is telling, though, and hints at the broader trend. Unfortunately, it seems that all the men my age only want much younger women, which leaves me with the 20-somethings who think “MILF” is an appropriate subject line and write messages about being “into older women,” and the aforementioned geriatric (or borderline) set. If everyone is looking downstream, age-wise (except the few who have a “kink” for older types), where does that leave those of us who really are looking for a peer? Should I adjust my objectives to what the market has to offer?
Websites generally attempt to pair singles with matches who are demographically similar. We’re all so dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people who are a much better fit. The woman who graduated high school in the same year as you? “I can’t help what I’m attracted to,” say all of my clients – both male and female. I do know, however, that as long as they close their minds to dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle with online dating.It can feed what is essentially a stash of mental pornography even if they have been successful in giving up an actual pornography addiction.One thing is for sure; if a man has already identified himself as having problematic, compulsive sexual behavior then his ogling is probably one of his array of sexually addictive behaviors.It’s about the intent, the hunting, the feeding, the drinking in, the filling up.”She describes also:“…a different person I know who captures image impressions of women’s bodies and files them away mentally for later fantasy use.These also could be just very brief glimpses of someone’s cleavage or of someone in an every day position that is sexually titillating to the viewer.”This woman’s partner is not unusual.A man who can’t help staring at other women may be just a rude guy or his ogling may be part of a pattern of sexually compulsive behavior.